Welcome to a new feature on my site:
Weekend glass of whine
It had a working title of ‘Things that piss me off’ which was less witty but certainly edged it on the accurate description front.
I decided to allow myself an opportunity to let off a bit of steam about pesky things that have been getting me in a bother over the past seven days…
A few days ago, I was driving along the road, minding my own business, when I pulled up to a roundabout and stopped behind a people carrier. There was nothing unusual about this. I was in a good mood, the sun was shining, I was feeling pretty chipper.
Suddenly I was confronted with a bright yellow sign dangling across the rear windscreen of the people carrier in front. “GRANDCHILD ON BOARD” it shouted at me in big black letters.
‘Oh my goodness’ I thought to myself, thank heaven for that sign. Had I not known that the vehicle in front was carrying small children, I would have just smashed right into it. I wouldn’t have bothered slowing down, applying the breaks or driving sensibly. I’d have crashed into that bad boy, bumper car style, before driving off like the ruffian that I truly am.
I understand that transporting small children in a car can be scary. I have driven my niece and friends children and I drive like my car is made of porcelain and filled with eggs, snow flakes, crystal glasses and butterfly wings. No-one wants to have to return children to their parents in more than one piece.
It’s just that the signs annoy me so much. I mean we don’t clothe babies in outfits that read ‘hold my head’ and ‘don’t drop me’ or buy cheeky little toddler dresses from Next with ‘If you pinch me I’ll cry’ slogans. I don’t have signs on my front door saying ‘Man lives here, please don’t nick the PlayStation’.
Plus, the sign could easily be misleading. I’m 36 years old and I have two living Grandmas so technically there could be a ‘Grandchild on board’ sign in my car.
Maybe I’ll go into the car signage market? Get one made up that says ‘I don’t have any children, or grandchildren but I’m quite nice and smiley. I’d rather you didn’t collide with my car if you don’t mind, it would be terribly inconvenient as I use it to travel for work. Thanks awfully.’