Inside my mind, I am young and cool and trendy. In real life I am hurtling towards middle age at tremendous speed. I’m so uncool that if I were cool, it would immediately and without question become uncool and I’m only slightly more trendy than Ann Widdicombe.
I generally manage to live my life in complete denial of my out of touch ways, although I can trip up when I accidentally “tape” a television programme or use the words malarkey, frock or shenanigans. I also spell every word correctly in my text messages and punctuate accordingly. In my humble opinion communication by text can only be improved by the addition of a semi colon.
This week, my out-of-touch-ness was off the charts. I was in the office when a birthday card made it’s way to my desk for signing. For those who are unaware of office birthday card etiquette, one of the unwritten rules is that you check out the messages from people who have already bestowed their biro birthday greetings to ensure that your message is slightly different to any of the others. I have a stock supply that I can call on.
The traditional: Happy Birthday. Birthday greetings.
The “insert upbeat adjective”: Have a great/super/wonderful/marvellous/splendid day.
The instructional: Enjoy yourself. Have fun. Eat cake. Drink fizz.
As I was checking out the rest of the birthday messages in the card, I came across one which horrified me. It was written by one of the summer job students currently working in the general office and it said “Happy Birthday! Have a sick day.”
There are so many things wrong with that message.
1) Throwing a sickie is completely unacceptable behaviour – Standard HR party line.
2) This is the HR department, we’re generally considered to be some sort of internal police force, this is the equivalent of a signed confession.
3) It’s so obvious. Why not mention secretly and discretely that someone should go off sick? Don’t write it in the bloody card for everyone to see.
Then it dawned on me that summer job student meant ‘sick’ as in to be great or brilliant and I suddenly felt rather ‘sick’ as in ailing and poorly.
Still, I got over myself, realised it was srsly funny and LMAO. Squee! Don’t throw shade on my mistake, I’m just #totallynotdownwiththekids.
Translation and further information about the final paragraph of today’s blog can be found at: http://www.oxforddictionaries.com.